Well, my last post was a complete lie – an urge to do something meaningful that didn’t work out as planned.

But you know what? Things worked out for the better… but I’ll get back to that.

I keep referencing my last post, reading these goals I had set for myself. And with a slight smile of sorrow, I kind of wish I had completed all I had set out for. It may also be the reason that I’ve kept from this blog for so long – a reminder of a promise that I didn’t keep.

ALRIGHT. That’s enough sadness talk because you know why?

Because life has been fucking GRAND.

In the time I’ve been out, I jumped jobs, I’ve learned. Oh my god, I’ve learned so much (I’m going to blame the absence of my time on this). I’ve rode the roller coaster of life. I’ve matured, and as I reflect on the last 3 years, the grind for the dream remains, but I don’t see it so much of a grind anymore? Life kinda just flows.

A silky smooth jazz piece with a hip hop beat to contain its structure. A poetic verse to intensify the depth – a word of wisdom from the self.

I’m riding the coat tails of that dream, and as we all go through the struggles, the tribulations, and the hard times, I can’t help but appreciate the fact that we as humans have to go through all that shit: to fail, to hit rock bottom, to break.

Lol, as always, I’m all over the place – but yo, the grind alluding to life and skateboarding is all the same. You strive to perfect whatever you’re aspiring for. And you may not always land it; but when you fall, just get back up, and kick.. and push.

You’ll eventually land it.

“This is the beginning. We’re at ground zero. Maybe you should say a few words, to mark the occasion”

Today, August 13th, is the day that Grinding For the Dream is fully back in action, and it is going full throttle. It’s a time for change, and there has never been more of a perfect time than the present. Alex is going back on the grind, and he’s going all out. #mambamentality 

Why today? Why now? Where have I been? What the fuck are you talking about.

If you’ve followed this blog or know this little snipped about me, my last birthday post revolved around the fact that I wanted to salvage and cherish that last glimmer of innocence that I had before I hit 21 years of age. I had quit drinking for roughly 6 months as a final cleanse to the days that would come. Four years later, and there has barely been a full week lived without the consumption of the lively elixir. When I die, they will use my liver as the prime example of, “kids, this is your liver, and this is your liver on alcohol.” With that being said, these past few years have consisted more of drinking, partying, playing, whatever it may be rather than my own goals and aspirations. I can make excuses for not having written in the blog, or say that the grind has finally been accomplished, and that the dream to me has finally come true. 

But that would be a blatant lie. 

I’ve longed, I’ve laughed, I’ve lived, I’ve loved,  I’ve been lost. And it’s taken me a god damn while to get myself on check or at least smack myself in the face and tell myself to get my shit together. Now, back to this 25th birthday, I took a different approach to things. I may not have abstained myself from alcohol, but… I cut out my friends, I cut out society. I left it to just me, and the books. I had to reevaluate what I was doing with my life. I am now 25. I am not where I want to be in my life. I have not attained half of my aspirations, so what do I do to fix that? 

The rebirth of the dream.

I am currently in IT, and still in a semi-rut of whether I want to continue this path, or switch back over to what I was formerly doing in Supply Chain Management. So what am I doing instead? Well, I can’t let this perfect opportunity slip away from me, so I’m gunning for Certificates, working on http://www.surrealexchange.com (by creation of Ruby on Rails), and blogging. Here on Grinding for the Dream, I will document my progression, I am adding more flavor, I am adding me. I will continue to dwell in the arts of photography, writing, and pop-culture. I have added more pages that will be an Alex type of review on movies or books that I am adding to my arsenal of random ruckus. 

I don’t want to say my time is running short, but I’m at an age where I shouldn’t be living at home, and that I should at least have my foundation of who I am set in stone. For the longest time, I knew who I was, and thought I had a strong sense of self… but it seemed during who knows when, that it was all lost in the abyss of life, and I had become an empty void of a person, a wall flower, an entertaining form of background noise. That can’t be me anymore. That’s not my purpose, that’s not my life. So what it is? Who knows. Who ever really knows what they’re doing or who they are. But what I can do, is continue to form and chisel at me until I become that Michelangelo’s “David” that will last through the ages. After all, my middle name is deemed after him. I must conquer my own Goliath, and have my legend live on. 

“This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.”

Mike: How did you get over it? I mean, how long did it take?

Rob: Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is, man. It’s like, you wake up every day and it hurts a little bit less, and then you wake up one day and it doesn’t hurt at all. And the funny thing is, is that, this is kinda weird, but it’s like, it’s like you almost miss that pain.

Mike: You miss the pain?

Rob: Yeah, for the same reason that you missed her… because you lived with it for so long.

Ladies and gents, women and children, in present to you once more, me in its entirety. Hi. It’s been a while since I’ve written anything, and based on my previous post, I was quite adamant in trying to find out the person I am and to continue to keep documenting.  It’s funny how that mentality quickly fades away with just the slight brush of your best friend, “lazy-self-loathing”.  Well, that’s not to say that I’m still at a lost for who I am.  I’ve known my core beliefs and my core structure for a long time now, but like everyone else on this planet, I’ve been caught up in the moment, rushing through more stories than I’d prefer,  missing out on things that are precious to me.  But as we get older, what do we really consider as something that’s dear?  Is it money?  Friendship?  Class?  Family? Okay, I’m just kidding about a money family,  of course they’re number one priority. But as the famous Ferris Beuler once said, “life moves pretty fast sometimes.  If you don’t stop every once a while, you’re going to miss it. ” well, this has been a good mess of mumbled rambles from my brain.  You haven’t really learned much about what’s going on in my life…  I guess I should state something about that.  I’m in my twenties, I should be full of stories!  And I am, don’t get me wrong on that one ;). There will be a day (currently) where my mind will be so full of random stories, that I won’t even know where to begin when I want to tell you something, so if that ever comes a chance, dear stranger, please give me a minute. Give me a chance, get to know me, I’ll tell you some interesting tidbits. Not now, though. Now, let’s just enjoy the moment that we’re in. Take a deep breath, bask in the fresh spring air, and if you’re allergic, then I apologize for you having bad genetics….  SUCKER!

Well, until next time.  I’m going to actually try and keep consistent now. Well, as consistent as I can. 

7 months, and 21 days since my last post — go me! So much for keeping up a consistent journal of what’s going on in my life, right? Haha, oh well. But needless to say, that doesn’t mean that I haven’t been having the time of my life! A year has passed since I’ve graduated college and it feels as if I had just walked yesterday – well, I guess technically speaking, I was in Riverside this past weekend, so not much has changed… I’m still enjoying myself out there, clinging on to what’s left of the past. You know, partying with the young’ns, haha, but sadly, even that has come to an end. The friends that stayed in school for an additional year have now all graduated, and are off to bigger and better things… So what’s that mean to me? It means I’ve got to get my act together and GET THE HELL OUT OF HOME!! Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, I love the free rent, free food, a TV that I can only dream of having, and the best. view. of. my. life. but…. Actually, I might just stay. hahah, just kidding. But seriously, I’ve got to get on with my life – prove to myself that I can be independent and stand on my own two feet.

Bah, I’ve lost my train of thought now – this post was actually just me procrastinating to begin with. I’m supposed to be fixing up my resume, but lo and behold, I find an excuse to start writing in my blog  (which technically isn’t a bad thing) and my room just spontaneously gets cleaned up as well (which also isn’t a bad thing). So I guess I’m headed in the right direction?

WHATEVERS! Until next time, dream! I’ll see you when I sleep tonight

Sadly, this will be my first post in 2 months, and for all the readers out there… if there are any, I apologize. And not to say that everything has been uneventful enough to the point where I wouldn’t post anything, but that I guess I was kind of “too busy” or “too scared” to really post what I really wanted to. I was given the advice from a stranger today that I should never have to explain myself, and honestly, I’ve never heard truer words than that. But to get along to the story, these couple of months, not only the last 2 months, but I guess everything that’s happened to me in the past year has been an experience that has changed me or I “want” to say has helped enlighten me to become the person that I am today. From me breaking up with my girlfriend, and sadly, I still think about her every day… It hurts, and I hold myself back from thinking about it, but she has honestly made such an impression upon my life that I can’t really do anything but learn from the experience and just grow from it.

But fuck that shit. I guess I have been really busy for the past couple of months. I don’t believe I missed blogging about my brothers wedding (October 8th), and that event itself IS from birth until now the highlight of my life. My brother just got fucking married “officially” and I didn’t even have a single thing to say about that? Forget that. My brother’s wedding was probably one of the most majestic and wonderful experiences that I’ll ever have and uphold. I hope my wedding can be half as awesome as that. I’ve been to a couple of weddings before, and being a PART of a wedding and being at a wedding are two entirely different things. Just to be able to say that you’re a best man, and say that you’re the groom’s brother? That itself is a mind fuck. I won’t go into details of what happened that night, but I myself will know that It. was. a. goddamn. great. night. whether I regret some of my actions or not, I had an amazing time.

It’s 3:45am right now, and I really just wanted to do a little catching up right now. Sadly, I may not be at my most comprehensive level, and I may be talking in riddles or might not be as direct as I want to be (I’ve always had that problem), but I just want to say life is good. As much as I bitch about what’s going on. And today was probably one of the worst days that I’ve encountered in a while, but… in the end, I know that it’ll all be worth it. Later tonight, I’m going to my Mac Miller concert. I fucking love Mac Miller. I don’t give a shit what people have to say about him, whether they don’t like the beats that he produces, his “Mickey Mouse” lyrics, or whether he’s so damn young. But you must understand, this kid is only 18, and he’s brilliant. He’s already more enlightened than most of the entire world’s population. So hate him all you want, but fuckit, I respect him.

I guess that kind of adds on to why I’m so depressed today, and why this “tragic” event has caused me to come back to grinding for the dream. I forget that though it’s the little things that make your life great, it’s also the most stupid little things that get you down. And the thing is, I can’t let those things break me. I don’t know, I’ve kind of lost my train of thought for this post – here’s the project that I’m currently working on.

Not fully up to date. You’ll see it some day.

It’s the Friday before Labor day!!! Wow, just a year ago from today, I would already be dreading my last year of college, and what have I got to think about now? Work… work… and more work… The littlest things will make me happy now. Every weekend is such a blessing, and I end up savoring that weekend to its fullest potential which eventually leads me to start the week more tired than when the week ended… But hey, it’s totally worth it. I’ve got to enjoy my youth while I still can. That being said, it’s VEGAS WEEKEND, BABY! Every Vegas trip I’ve ever had has been AWESOME, and each time I go, it just gets better and better. So with that logic, this next time is going to be even MORE awesome! Though we’re basically only going for 1 and a half nights…. (Friday night/Saturday morning until Sunday noon-ish), it’s still going to be pretty epic. And the thing is, it’s evident that we’re all getting older. This may just be the last time that we all get to go on such a crazy trip together. Though I totally doubt that – people will always make the time. But that’s an acceptable reason for us to go wild this weekend, and it won’t stop me from enjoying good company! Okay, sleep time. I’ve still got work in the morning.

-Started the remodeling process of my room

Since I’ve started working, I’ve just been tired every night. It’s not that I do anything in particular that really keeps me busy – I’ve just been too lazy to really do any writing, but if I think about it, I can easily spend 5 to 10 minutes just talking about my day or what’s on my mind. That’s why I’ve got to keep up this writing! It also kind of sucks how I started that whole other blog about writing short stories, and the only story that’s posted there is a story I wrote 2 years ago. Haha, maybe I’ll spend 10 minutes and try and write something tonight. We used to do that for my Creative Writing Class – at the beginning of every class, we’d spend 10 minutes just rambling about a topic. We weren’t allowed to use periods because it would stop a train of thought… which I guess makes perfect sense, because after a while, I just kept on writing regardless of pauses or not. Maybe I’d add a comma here and there for dramatic effect, but that’s about it. I miss watching movies. I haven’t seen a good movie in a while. Yeah, that was kind of random, but this is who I’ve become. I’m pretty boring now – can’t really keep up a conversation or anything. My mind is just burnt out by the end of the day, and I still sleep reasonably early. what. the. heck. And I thought I was starting to get used to this whole concept of working. I guess not. Meh, I’ll write more later. I think this is a good enough log for the past few weeks’ nothingness.

Until next time, soldier 

Hehe, I’m so clever :3