From the ashes I have returned as an immoral asshole speaking deep thoughts that I would never condone (i.e. release) on my other blog.  So in a way, this will be my Yang to my Yin, where for this I can entertain the masses, while the other inform, motivate, and all that bullshit they feed you in a motivational forum.  So, currently what takes up a majority of my time is the soul sucking applications for law school.  The constant revisions of my ineptitude to create a decent personal statement amuses me due to my obvious narcissistic tendencies.  Essentially I am perplexed on how I cannot seem write about myself.  Yet, thats a whole other issue that I need to resolve by myself instead of divulging to the masses (or at most five people) that read this blog.  Yet, I have a more dire situation that hopefully someone can give me an articulate answer.  The question being:

“Can you die from eating too much Chick-fil-a?”

Now you think that this is all a sarcastic joke, yet I earnestly want the answer to this.  After my first indulging of this delicacy, I was instantly hooked.  For the past four days now I have been eating (without fail) a spicy Chick-fil-a sandwich with BBQ sauce and their godly criss-cut fries.  Why with this obsession?  Well, other than that it being completely obvious whoever has tried Chick-fil-a, there are three reasons why I wholly support this place.

1) They prepare food FUCKING fast.  Right after I order, I barely have time to text message that I am in heaven (ironically Chick-fil-a is a Christian run institution), when I receive my food.

2) Their variety of sauces and endless supply is intoxicating.  Like any Asian, I hoard shit.  A lot of shit.  So, seeing that there are at least 6 different fucking sauces available for my taking, my Asian-ness takes a whole new form.  I am putting three sauces of each (who knows maybe I will have a sudden craving to eat their Polynesian sauces, whatever the fuck that tastes like).  And who knows, maybe there will be a sudden crisis, where someone forgot to get their godly BBQ sauce, when lo and behold, I am their savior (yup, that was another pun).

3) Most importantly, their lemonade is godly (man I should stop).  I have tasted a lot of lemonade from a variety of fast food places, but this place takes it, hands down.  Even if its made from concentrate, I do not give a fuck.  Their lemonade tastes fresh.  Not Tropicana Fresh, but more like lemonade street hustler stand lemonade.

I think I will continue my routine of the Spicy Delux sandwich each day until (God forbid) that I get tired of it or it kills me from being too damn fucking good.

Within the past couple of days, I have been reflecting on the past three and a half years of my life.  The period of time that I was supposed to become successful, whether be starting  a business or master poker player.  Yet, what occurred was mediocrity from every angle.  I am terrible at poker and at best made a couple of thousand.  I did not create a business, nor even had a structure started.  I achieved mediocre grades, when I was supposed to do fantastic.  My lsat score was subpar, when I was supposed to ace it.  Each moment in time was just another failure waiting to be tallied on the scoreboard of life.  I am extremely unorganized, messy, and practically an embarrassment (or amusing) in public.  I hate how even I can listen to myself and realize how ridiculous I sound.  Yet all this is going to change.  There is a new chapter in my life and things will be different.

In one of my favorite classes in Berk (Buddhist Psychology: Psych 107), the professor lectured about lucid dreaming.  She described it as a way of learning more into your inner self along with all the fun that you could do!  I think I will try to experiment and figure out how to do this “lucid dreaming” and see BUST AN INCEPTION.

http://www.economist.com/node/17572232

An interesting article that I read that talks about the advancement of technology about the upbringing of robot soldiers.

With failing the LSATs and having my last semester in college coming into an end, my mind is in a state of utter chaos.  The fact that I have no clue what I am doing my next semester frightens me.  The only inevitable outcome I do know is that there will be a dramatic change.  No longer will I have to plane back after subsequent breaks, but I will stay situated at home.  Furthermore, no longer can I distinguish between two homes (one that I dread the other a respite from the cruel harsh realities of my mediocrity).  For how much I despise this “other home”, I can not say I am a little depressed.  I do not really know why.  Possibly because of the grandiose ideas that I assumed I would have accomplished by now are finally being realized as being utter obscene failures.  Possibly because I have gotten close to a couple of people besides my girlfriend and leaving would mean I would never (almost never) see them again?  All in all, whether I can pinpoint it or not, I can say that I am sad.

Yet, amongst this change, will come new opportunities that seemingly could pop up.  There are a couple of projects that are queued right now, which hopefully can salvage some of the failure that is my college experience.  Hopefully by next month (if all goes well), there will be two websites that I will be busily working on.  And eventually, hopefully, I can have a meaningful life that people will actually be inclined to check out my thoughts and feelings on topics!  Also, in the next three weeks I will again battle the evil villain that is the LSAT, ready to finally impregnate her (because as we all knowo the LSAT is a bitch).  By then, I am hoping that all my applications will be sent and be waiting excitingly to hear the good news (hears to being optimistic!).  Until then, I will wallow in the misery in my head, awaiting the hazy clouds of the future.

“Mr Icahn is a fierce critic of the typical corporate boss, which, with a wit all too rare among Wall Street’s titans, he has turned into a theory of the “moronisation of American management.” The typical chief executive, he says, is “the guy you knew in college, the fraternity president—not too bright, back-slapping, but a survivor, politically astute, a nice guy”. To be a chief executive, you need to know how not to tread on anyone’s toes on the way up. You eventually become the number two, who “has got to be a little worse than the number one to survive”. When the number two becomes chief executive, he promotes someone a little worse than him as his second-in-command. “It is the survival of the unfittest,” reckons Mr Icahn. “Eventually we are all going to be run by morons.””

I think I found my new hero.

For every post that I present, I will have a song that may accurately depict my mood at that moment in time.  This way, people may be interested and actually read what I have to say.

I am sorry, I lied.  First, luckyyykat.com is going to be mostly about music.  I realized I really hate stocks.  I do not enjoy it at all.  Although its a hobby, its something thats interesting but not so much that I would love to constantly write about.  Secondly, I did not quit poker.  I need money and its the only alternative that I have that would provide me the most capital.

Sometimes on Facebook statuses I see posts that make me cringe.  No its not the superficial comments about their life etc.  Instead, I am talking about those comments when people want to grow up and start living beyond school.  Why are people so eager to work?  Why are people so willing to leave behind this relaxed no responsibilities attitude?  I sure as hell not.  That is why I am trying to postpone all that I can do to prevent me from working (or eventually find something that I don’t consider work but will make me money).  As my final semester slowly dissipates into thin air, more and more thoughts come into my head.  Similar to my other post, I am worried about the unpredictable nature of my future.  It used to be get good grades go to middle school.  Next four years, get good grades go to high school.  Next four years, get good grades go to college.  But what about now?  Am I sure to get into law school that I desperately yearn for?  Will I become an entrepreneur?  Will I eventually give up my strive for greatness, and realize that I am just only mediocre?  I am scared.  Scared of what is happening now.  Scared of whats going to happen tomorrow.  Yet within this fear, I know that I am living.  And from this living, I should make this the best possible semester ever.

I can’t sleep.  My anxiety is eating me alive.  I don’t want my parents to be disappointed.  I can’t do that again.  I should be asleep by now, but the more I try, the more I fall into this pit of despair that is my opaque future.  I don’t like this feeling of unknowing.  I am scared.  H o ld me.  Ican’t do t h i s.  I don’t want to f a i l again.  Why is tomorrow coming so soon.  I am happy to be rid of this unwanted weight over my shoulders, but I feel as if it will continually be in the back of my head.  I think of the worst case scenarios and I dwell in my own self-affliction.  This stupid test is consuming me in ways that I couldn’t fathom.  It has destroyed the remnants of my self confidence, making me doubt my existence.  This fucking test is literally what will eventually lead to my pseudo success that I imagine in my head.  This is killing me softly with its song.  Making me doubt what I’m worth.  Yet, with that said, I still feel the warmth of people close to me.  Thank you all that support me.  It means so much.