So, all the studying done prior to this lsats, have come to waste.  I canceled my test score and preparing again in October.  Not to be an emo kat, I am in a despair-ish mood.  Just with my GPA and my failed LSAT attempt, it seems as if I am not capable of doing anything well.  It feels that my ineptitude is just a never ending cycle of mediocre set forth by my predestined status as “average”.  And, what I am is nothing but a dreamer.  Yet I fail.  In life there is supposed to be variance, ups and downs, which make it more than interesting.  Lately, I have not seen an up.  I have not seen any light that shows that I am on the road to success.  I am going to sit back one day in my chair and say “hey I made it”.  It seems inevitably that I will be sitting on a different chair dreaming “to make it”.  I want this to be an amusing rant I can later read in my life of glamor waiting to publish it in my biography so that any dreamer like myself can have hope.  Yet hope is nothing but a lie one tells himself/herself to continue chasing an empty dream.

End Note:  I am going to start taking up meditating.

Btw, I am not an optimist.  Just in denial.

I “lahkyakt” am a dreamer.  Everyday in my apartment, walking to class, eating lunch, waiting for the bus, on the plane ride home, etc., I dream.  I dream of becoming someone famous/rich.  I dream of achieving all the goals that I set out in my life to do.  People close to me know me on talking like I HAVE already achieved my goal, not how to REACH my goal.  I am that type of person.  But as this person, I have come to realize some other thing about myself that I believe is beneficial to my success.  I would rather knowingly try 1 million things that have less than 1% chance of succeeding than to not try at all. I would burn/waste capital and fail on ridiculous dreams, than to just be mediocre and accept the inevitability of my life.  Even with the limitations (intelligence, height, good looks, charm, etc.) I have, I still believe I am capable of achieving certain things that I view in my surroundings.  For this reason alone, I don’t doubt if I am going to succeed, but when.

My name is luckykat. I am attending UC Berkeley with career aspirations of becoming a scumbag lawyer. All that is needed to know about me is my obsession with money, success, fame and glamor (whoever can tell me where that is from is very cool). Nothing really stands out for me right now, just an average student. I am hoping that things will change. Yet, thats all I have right now hope and determination. And, that is all that anybody needs.